Warbler Gossip
by Moonshimmer Shadow-Phoenix
Summary: Tina overhears some of the Dalton boys gossiping about the New Directions, among other things, and she can't help but share the details with her friends via video recording. Rated for language and slight sexual mentions. Season 3 drabble.


**Warbler Gossip**

**Summary**: Tina overhears some of the Dalton boys gossiping about the New Directions, among other things, and she can't help but share the details with her friends via video recording.

My first drabble, set some time after "On My Way". I own nothing.

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><p>Tina Cohen-Chang just happened to be hanging out at the Lima Bean on a sunny Sunday afternoon in April.<p>

She had just ordered her favorite drink when she spotted a really cute guy at the barista's counter, and couldn't help but stop to admire him for a few moments. He looked familiar but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. As he picked up a couple of those little cardboard coffee cup holders and started walking, she noticed the group he was heading towards, and her jaw dropped opening in shock, "Oh, no way."

Completely forgetting her coffee order, she started following after him, and when she heard what the others were talking about, she just _had_ to pull out her cell phone and, as inconspicuously as possible, record what they were saying...

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><p>It was Monday at school when Tina abruptly burst into the choir room mid-practice, interrupting one of Rachel and Finn's (many) duets.<p>

"Guys, guys! Everyone!" she blurted, "You'll never believe what I saw last night!"

Santana gave her a look, not because she gave a shit about the Hobbit's singing, but because her conversation with Brittany having been interrupted as well, "We don't care, Ching-Chong Chang, sit down and shut up."

"That's just rude."

Tina was still bouncing from one foot to the other quickly like she had to use the washroom, "But it's about the Warblers. I saw them yesterday and-"

"You were spying?" Blaine asked, with a frown of disapproval. They might have not been getting along that well in the last few months, but he had already accepted Sebastian's apology, and he just wanted to leave it all in the past.

"No!" She protested quickly, "I was at the Lima Bean and they were hanging out together like usual, but it was less weird since they weren't in their uniforms, and they were talking about us."

Now some of them looked interested, and the rest didn't seem to care.

"What did they say?" Rachel asked, hoping that the disruption of her song with Finn was at least for some useful information.

"Just... just watch and look." She handed her cell phone over to Mercedes, and waited, until she hit 'play' on the video.

_"What are you guys talking about?" the blonde one, Jeff, asked as he set down the coffee trays and joined his fellow Warblers. Among them were Trent, Nick, Sebastian, and David._

Quinn muttered, "Wow, they aren't actually too bad looking once you see them without those awful bulky blazers."

The others had to agree, and while Kurt was pretending to seem uninterested, Blaine could tell he was scowling at the video.

_Sebastian (of course) was the first one to answer, "What members of the other Glee clubs are hot enough to fuck."_ The room went dead silent.

_"Oh." Jeff seemed unphased, as if they discussed this sort of thing all the time, "I like the cheerleaders from ND, the two blondes and the brunette. They sing really well and they're all pretty cute. I love that one's dance moves." _

_David seemed to agree, "I gotta say it; I have a think for the Latinas. I've yet to see one that isn't smokin'. Not to mention the young Aretha-girl with the killer pipes, she seems to know how to move."_

Quinn looked torn between being offended and flattered, Santana was smirking and Brittany appeared to be pretty happy. Mercedes also seemed unsure, but she was pleased by the compliment of her vocals.

_"What about you, Nicky?" Jeff asked, and the darker-haired boy glared, "Do not call me that. Well, I kind've like Harmony, that girl from the Unitards. She's only a freshman but I thought she was pretty and had a nice voice too. There's also that gothic girl and the lead female singer they have." _

_"Rachel Berry?" Sebastian made a face, "I understand you Breeders don't exactly have high standards, but really? Just stick with the Asian, they're into kinkier stuff. Plus she's quieter and has less of a big mouth."_

Tina couldn't help but smirk when Rachel made a sound of outrage in the back of her throat.

_"Why don't you like Rachel?" Nick asked with a frown, "You're gay, Sebastian, you shouldn't have an opinion on this."_

_"I have an opinion on everything," He said, raising his eyebrow, "And just because I'm not sexually attracted to women doesn't mean I can't appreciate their non-physical attributes. Rachel may have a strong voice, but she's a dime a dozen. There's plenty of little Broadway-bound so called 'ingénues' out there just looking for their big break, and she's just another girl wanting to become the next Barbra Streisand when the old girl finally keels over."_

Now most of the New Directions looked horrified, but the girls and Kurt were secretly taking great pleasure in Rachel's fury, glad someone could finally say it like it was to her inadvertently without getting lectured by Mr. Schue.

_"Alright, what about you Sebastian?" Jeff asked with a slow smirk, crossing his arms expectantly, "Sexuality aside, if you had to choose between Kurt and Rachel Berry, who would you pick?" _

"What?" Kurt asked, his voice getting a bit higher in surprise, "Is he actually suggesting-?!"

_"They'd have to be holding a gun to my head for me to choose." Sebastian deadpanned, "And even then I would be begging for them to pull the trigger. If I were going to touch either of them anywhere I would require both to be bound and gagged thoroughly. I suppose if those are the only options I'd have to pick Kurt," he said with a grimace, "But even then there'd be a certain outfit I'd require him to wear first." _

"Oh my God." Finn plugged his ears, "I don't want to hear this!"

Kurt and Rachel were both turning red in the face while the others had to try to not laugh.

_The Warblers had no such restraint, "W-What outfit?" David asked in between chuckles. _

_"Ever see American Horror Story?"_

"Hahaha!" Santana burst out laughing then, holding her stomach while giggling uncontrollably.

"_Okay, okay," Jeff snickered, "Are there any members of New Directions that you would date?" _

_"I assume by "Date" you mean "Fuck", and yes, I've actually compiled a mental list of the do-able members of Nude Erections." He smirked, "Blaine's at the top of the list of course-"_

"_Of course_." Kurt repeated irritably under his breath, and Blaine squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

_"Followed by the blonde guy with the fish mouth."_

Sam instinctively covered his lips with his hand, flushing. He was still self-conscious about them.

_"That bendy-looking Asian guy with the wicked dance moves."_

Mike looked oddly approving of this statement, and Tina was just grinning.

_"The hot guy with the unfortunate Mohawk. I just hope he figures out eventually that the reign of Mr. T is over and he needs to shave that thing off."_

Puck looked pissed, but Quinn and Mercedes were laughing at the ND males' reactions.

_"Their teacher."_

"EW! TMI!" Sugar said uncomfortably.

_Sebastian was grinning while his friends(?) laughed at his words, "There's also the wheelchair guy with the voice."_ Artie looked surprised, _"He doesn't need working legs for me to enjoy him for a night. There's the awkward giant who dances like he'd be a really bad lay, and the bland kid whose apparently from Ireland. Oh, and the Piano accompanist." The others started in on which of the girls they found most attractive again._

Now everyone either looked incredibly offended or uncomfortably flattered (Brad included).

Mercedes shook her head and commented, "That is just not right."

"Why would you show us this, Chang?" Santana asked, wiping her eyes and finally recovering from her fit of laughter, "Was the goal to make us uncomfortable or entertained?"

Tina smirked in response, "I just wanted Rachel to hear what Sebastian thought of her even after making amends." She said, feeling vindictive of Rachel's attention-whoring ways and glad she got this little bit of enjoyment.

"Well, it's definitely not just an all gay school, no matter what the statistics say."


End file.
